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Sarasota News Leader January 11, 2013 Page 71 Three weeks before my visit, I got a call from Canyon Ranch to discuss my fitness goals. "I want a stomach so tight you could play quarters off of it," I told the fitness guru on the line as I finished leftover pumpkin pie from Christmas. He hesitated and asked my current dimensions. I told him and he kindly responded, "Losing that much weight in five days would be dangerous to your health, but Matt's friend Tony and his longboard. we will put you on a track to a lifestyle to As Tony babbled on and on about his non-is- eventually get you there. Review the booklet sue, I could not take my eyes off his perfect of classes, menus and property info, and we body. I thought back to times in my life when will take great care of you." I was like him and I ignored the metabolism warnings of my elders. Where did time go? Little did this man know, but I happen to have Where did my body go? Could I regain my a Ph.D. in spas and food. I know my stuff, so higher rate of metabolism? My thoughts were I was out to explore. interrupted by Tony's stern voice, "Matt, my Canyon Ranch is super nice, and the staff does eyes are up here," and we paddled home. a terrific job of setting the grand stage as you Aging is a problem. I am too young for surgery and too old to be boyish. Being a good Southern guy, I find the best approach to any problem regarding age is to simply run away and not talk about it. Therefore, I called my "therapists" at Admiral Travel, who readily listened to my desire to reverse the effects of time. After careful consideration and a little wine, I was prescribed a five-day trip to Canyon Ranch Health Spa in Miami. 'THE PRESCRIPTION' Canyon Ranch is like Glenda the Good Witch for your inner Dorothy. It is a health resort located on South Beach, and it is designed to help you become exactly what you want to be, inside and out, utilizing fitness, fresh, unprocessed food and trainers. enter the lobby, affecting the attitude, "You will never feel fancier while sweating." You do not just walk to a front desk and check in. Nope. You are escorted by the valet and offered fresh spring water infused with herbs as you are seated with your own, personal reception person. My personal reception person was named Harmony, and she explained that Canyon Ranch was designed to help balance my mental and physical health. "Your job is balance and your name is Harmony?" I asked. She nodded, smiled with her beautiful white teeth and handed me the resort itinerary with her perfectly manicured hands.