Issue link: https://newsleader.uberflip.com/i/112475
Sarasota News Leader March 1, 2013 4. When squirrels cross a road in their eccentric zigzag stop-and-go manner, they are great entertainers and slapstick comedians, as well as supporters of law enforcement authorities in the War on Crime. For example, in Wauwatosa, WI, a driver swerved to avoid hitting a squirrel. The driver slammed into a parked car, causing it to go airborne and crash into a house, making a huge hole in the front parlor wall (I told you squirrels are natural-born aerators). The driver was taken to the hospital for minor injuries and ���was cited for failing to keep a vehicle under control, driving with suspended registration and driving without proof of insurance.��� Had it not been for the squirrel, the perp would never have been caught and cited. With all these inherent ���good-old boy��� characteristics ��� the back-scratching, the secret cached-in-the-dirt reserves, the ability to aerate people���s pockets and wallets and the knack for landing on one���s feet after a fall from grace ��� it is not surprising that this toothy-grinned, tail-chasing Lothario jumped out of a stew pot in the White House Mess and landed smack in the Oval Office. I am writing a book on the subject ��� Mr. Squirrel Goes to Washington: A Brief History of Sciurus carolinensis as an Agent of Influence in White House Domestic Politics and International Relations, by Otus Rufous. Copies of my book are free to all SNL subscribers. (Dan Brown, eat your heart out! My conspiracy theory aerates your Da Vinci Code theory!) Page 107 ly acknowledged the squirrel���s power and influence in our nation���s capital. He began his delightfully informative speech on the history of conservation in our country by noting ���that the White House is actually inside an 82acre national park ��� including an area once found to have the ���densest squirrel population known to science.��� This is true. So we���ve got that going for us.��� On Monday, Jan. 21, 2013, which is National Squirrel Appreciation Day, President Obama was publicly sworn into office for a second term. Hmm ��� Chapter I. Cherchez la femme! The history of White House first families and their delightful pets begins with President George Washington���s pet, Polly the Parrot. Abraham Lincoln had a pet white bunny wabbit. True squirrel appreciation in the White House only began with amazing First Lady Florence Harding. An extraordinary woman, whom historians generally overlook, she was an ardent feminist and animal rights champion. Alongside Alice Roosevelt Longworth, Teddy R.���s daughter, she helped found the Humane Society. Mrs. Harding also protected the squirrels aerating the White House grounds. President Harding adopted ���Pete,��� a squirrel who waylaid cabinet officers on their way into the White House. If promptly fed, Pete would allow them to meet with the president. Pete was documented on film accepting a handful Introduction: On Feb. 16, 2011, President of nuts from U.S. Navy Secretary Edwin DenBarack Obama addressed the nation on Amer- by. Pete greedily devoured the nuts and Denby ica���s Great Outdoors Initiative and humorous- got his audience with the president.