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Sarasota News Leader QUELLE SURPRISE October 25, 2013 OPINION Page 98 As they arrived at the reception, the brothers were delighted to discover that many of their The Koch brothers' private jet developed friends and acquaintances were in attendance. engine failure and crashed. The brothers Upon seeing the brothers appear, all came found themselves in front of the Pearly Gates, over to greet them with a warm welcome. where they were met by Saint Peter. "This is wonderful!" exclaimed David Koch. Saint Peter stroked his beard and told them, "We don't get many billionaires here. I'll need "It certainly is," responded his brother, to consult the policy manual." And away he Charles. "I had no idea Hell was such a beautiwent. ful place or that so many of our friends would be here." Returning a while later, he informed them that the policy dictated that they must spend one All too soon, their day in Hell came to an day in Hell and one day in Heaven, at which end and the devil escorted them back to the time they could select where they would like elevator. to spend eternity. He led them to the elevator, ushered them inside and reached in to press "Can't we just stay here?" Charles pleaded. the button marked "Hell." "You must spend one day in both places," the Down, down, down the elevator went. The devil responded. "Only then can you choose." brothers grew increasingly nervous with So they entered the elevator and Satan that descent, fearful of what horrors might reached in to press the "Heaven" button. await them. But the doors opened eventually, Up, up, up went the elevator, until the doors revealing a beautiful vista. opened onto the serene landscape of Heaven, There was an immaculate golf course with where Saint Peter was waiting for them. verdant fairways and greens, and many golfers working their way around the holes. Up The next day, the brothers enjoyed the tranon a hill was a stately clubhouse, and gath- quil environs of Heaven … and they were ered on the terrace were dozens of men and bored silly. women in formal wear and evening gowns, "We have nothing against harp playing or cloud enjoying a reception. floating," David explained to Saint Peter. "But The devil showed up to escort the broth- we haven't seen anyone we know." ers to the clubhouse, pointing out the "It was just more fun in Hell," added Charles. beautiful mansions that lined the fairways, the nearby yacht basin and the Olympic-size So Saint Peter led them back to the elevator, swimming pool. where they once again began their descent.